“commissioner protection program” is just fucking beautiful. *chef’s kiss*

Yeah, maybe they could have used that pick to get the next Mookie Betts.

They would need to widen the gap by sixteen or seventeen points. I lost track of the mental math halfway through and am not doing it again, but basically if they do the 1-2 and Verstappen gets on the podium, it’s over before the Western Hemisphere swing.

Even when it’s a dude who hasn’t yet gotten his big payday maybe having a serious injury?

Hey, you’re hilarious!

20. Getting your nuts run over by Draymond Green’s Vibranium-enhanced knee.

Never tweet --> Lather --> Rinse --> Repeat

I’ll be interested to see how this metric works ranking teams. I can see it loving the Bucks, but it could also give top marks to Atlanta.

He’s going to look good in Angels red next year, even if he can’t keep that 45.

Jo Koy was on KTLA this morning giving Jessica a hard time for listening to all that and jumping in with “Did you say you’re getting your star on the Walk of Fame?”

-excerpt from “The Election of Joe Biden,” metonymoussum, HarperCollins 2026.

Is that one of those clever TV lawyer phone numbers?

Seems to be going around. When the Dodgers clinched I kept hearing that the Braves had won the East 15 times in a row- neat trick, given that they were in the West until ‘94.

The salary structure makes sure that no matter what limits they put on communication, there will still be players changing teams the day free agency opens. They don’t have to negotiate! Everyone knows what Kawhi or Durant are going to be paid! It’s “Hey, wanna play here?” “Sure.” “Okay, we’ll email a contract.”

Yeah, but he was grown with very few petrochemicals.

Burke doesn’t even work here anymore and he’s still giving Deadspin a solid 5 WAR.

Poor Jack. This is like your ex telling everyone how inspired they are by their new love while you’re sitting right there. Courtside. Faithfully cheering them on.

216,000 D6 of damage and the truck is okay? Fucking Palladium rules, man. Told you this system was unusable.

If Barry doesn’t change his Twitter handle to “Comrade Petchesky” he’s a steatopygic kneebiter.

We can trust Burns. He won’t hide the Black roots and influence on any facet of American life.