In true, right-wing gaslighting fashion, you should accuse HIM of stealing YOUR name. The fact that he claims to have had it first is PROOF that he altered the date stamps on the posts, after all.

Sometimes when I snap at my kids, I’m like “I regret how I handled that.” And that’s pretty much the same as shooting up a pizza joint because you think there are sex slaves in the nonexistent basement.

Anyway, if I’m putting any antlers on the table, they’re gonna be real. None of these poseur antlers for me. I’m taking down Bambi’s mom and then making her head the centerpiece of my turkey dinner.

Can anyone explain the sudden explosion of Mule drinks? I swear I never heard of anyone really drinking them, just kind of admiring the copper mugs for most of my life. But now they’re everywhere. A specialty Moscow Mule bar has even opened up here. Are Mules just a fad destined to peter out due to their own…

No thanks. I’m buying this $85 rock from Nordstroms with which I will hit myself repeatedly to unconsciousness until 2020.

Can’t someone just walk through a parking lot or drive through a neighborhood and get plate numbers?

China gets it, but we don’t because FUCKING CROSSOVERS. *angrily slams bedroom door and punches a pillow*

The reason you start with a hot pan is if you use a cold one the oil gets sopped up by whatever you’re intending to cook, instead of being cooked by that oil. This makes food greasy (not like a nice flavorful grease either, just limp and oily) and significantly degrades the flavor. Get that shit hot enough to sizzle…

The correct answer to the ice cube question is zero. Drinks are stored in the fridge. It’s already cold. Ice is unnecessary in this equation. I like to reduce life to as low-maintenance of a proposition as possible.

You run out of water too soon with a glass full of ice. Then you end up sucking the ice for water droplets, like you’re dying of thirst in the Sahara or in coach on an airplane.

“This is a much better clubhouse than the White Sox. They know what’s important. Like, they let that fat kid hang around and wear a uniform and everything. The other Sox would never do that.”

Then, once all the plant-life has died off, all the stormwater retention, pollutant-filtering and flood prevention capabilities are gone. YAY!

As long as Jeb Bush is top-5, I have no complaints.

Virginia Foxx is also ranked #1 on the politicians that sound like pornstars list, just ahead of Barbara Boxer.

FUN FACT: I believe the league was initially going to allow the Browns to wear their charity cleats next week by virtue of being on their bye this week (as well as the Titans, who were also on their bye and are the Browns’ opponent next week), but have since changed their mind and made it a Week-13-Only deal.

I’m conflicted. If they murder the styling in the Buickfication process, I’ll be sad we lost a potentially awesome wagon. If they don’t, and it largely remains as is ...... I’ll want a Buick.

I hope the Cuban people get a fair shot too. I hope America removes the embargo and allows the country to prosper.

Grown ups tweeting about SNL at 3 in the morning.

Yes, this is precisely the wrong approach. Making the refs full time, train year round, great idea. Adding more for the sake of having more is not a solution. We don’t need to increase the number of penalties called, we need to simplify the rulebook, and get better trained refs to handle the calls.