Yes, thank you. I obsess about what to wear to weddings, pouring over details just to determine what “semi-formal/formal” or “Hamptons Dressy” means. Then, I show up and it looks like half the crowd just said, “Fuck it!”

I’m gonna fucking make this. I’m forty and still bitter that my mom never let me have this kind of shit. Had to keep that baby-caca colored shag carpet pristine, man.

I don’t really think it’s appropriate for non-black people to use it in any context.

I’m pretty sure that 98% of the dudes named Chris I’ve ever known have been largely shit humans. Terrible name.

It’s good to see at least one rich asshole isn’t just Putin on airs.

Darren Criss looking like someone forgot their Malibu Ken at the beach.

I can see it now, Merkel will go up to Trump and extend her hand to grab him by the balls, ‘cause when you are famous, you can do that’

Gauthier is adorable.

Can someone teach Trump HOW TO SIT ON A GODDDAMN CHAIR?!?

“All this is true because it rhymes.”

I’m only sad that the elephant that killed him died.

In before the debate even gets started.

Our Lt. Gov who’s running the primary for Gov now, just had an ad on tv yesterday (I can’t find it online) that was all the usual stuff until the end. He ended it by saying “I’m Ralph Northam, and I think Donald Trump is a narcissistic maniac.”

I, for one, would take lamb and rice any day of the week. Especially over charcoalized steak and red high fructose corn syrup.

McConnell, defintely. I would take personal pleasure in seeing tears (which I doubt he’s capable of) streaming down his stupid turtle face.

i guess you and i must describe up somewhat differently.

If you were a woman on a date with a clearly unstable man, you would honestly concern yourself with how that man makes his way home? Moreso than your own personal safety?

Dear Kellyanne,

are you actually shitting me this is the dumbest take ever