Fuck Vin Diesel, I vote Terry Crews

Actually, where IS Larry? Has he done anything at all since his show got axed? (And god, how much do I miss his political coverage right now...)

Half a brick because they’re not worth a whole brick?

That’s it! Kick him from the Cocoon! He can go live with Henchman 21 for a while.

“but at one point he accused me of trying to “educate him””

Well how fucking DARE you. 

Didn’t you expect this though? The Monarch has had public outbursts with you in the past but he always seems to cave to your ideas in the end. I’d blame his parents but...well :-(

34 months! that’s a big baby :)

“As good fortune would have it, we had a bodyguard that summer,” she writes. They persuaded their bodyguard to buy lemonade, and then their driver, and then the maids, who “dug deep for their spare change.” The lesson, she says, is that the kids “made the best of a bad situation.”

I, like most sensible Alabamians, am fully aware that this is a garbage state represented by garbage politicians.

I have family that lives in Seoul and I live on the west coast, this North Korea thing is scaring the shit out of me. And I can’t do anything about it.

It is still not clear to the family how Malachi got his hands on the dangerous weapon. Stephens said that he got the gun from a friend who got it from someone else. Investigators are looking into finding out who originally had the gun and passed it to the friend, the news station notes.

That sounds absolutely wonderful. I like your neighbours’ entrepreneurial spirit. Fancy grown up ice cream topper sounds delicious.

Shit man I’d shake my bosses hand if she said I would continue to get paid but don’t have to come into work anymore and I love my job too. I just love my bed and cats a little more.

She’s getting paid, but isn’t allowed to perform the functions of her job. Sounds perfect to me!

Guys...guys you’re supposed to stand the toothpaste on the FLAT BOTTOM like it’s designed to be stored...the tension keeps the lid on...it’s not that hard.

Well, the employee said, “I want that.” And United Airlines asked, “Are you a 10 year-old girl wearing leggings?” And when the employee said no, United decided to revoke the passenger’s ticket with extreme prejudice.

Forgive me if I stole this from someone, but...

Nice to see that Rachel Dolezal has landed on her feet.

Saw the pic and was all like: He’s marrying Rachel Dolezal?