Not quite. Daniel and his companions were hostages being kept in Babylon—the hope was that they would “go native” and they will be sent back to Judea and serve as puppet rulers for the Babylonian Empire.

There’s another Daniel story where he refuses to eat the meat and wine the king is feeding the... students? and successfully campaigns for their meals to be changed to pulse and water, which, like, no wonder they all hated you, Daniel. So I think he must be on pulse and water.

I’m going to say that they fooled around but it was so bad that she gave him a half-hearted hand job to wrap things up and get out of there. He’s denying it to be coy and she’s denying it because wouldn’t you?

Judging by their near total lack of on-screen chemistry, I think this is the right answer.

Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but I think Pratt has political aspirations after the fashion of Schwarzenegger. Farris was not a suitable mate for that. A Kennedy is. It also fits in with his whole ‘hunting and Jesus’ schtick. I believe they will only separate if he does something that makes a political career untenable.

Chris Pratt now strikes me as someone who had sex with his girlfriend and now feels like he has to marry her because of his religion. 

No kidding! Dad and Mom broke up when the kid was only a toddler (shit happens, not judging). But, now Dad is rushing into marriage with a 20yr old he started dating only 6months ago?! Oof. 

OMG they described the movements of the Macarena as “like an exotic dancer” hahahahahaha!!!! I’m dying imagining a stripper doing the macarena on stage.

100% agree, but look at the male role models she has- political parties aside, no one is great. Mom is a Kennedy (so LOTS of affairs and shenanigans), Dad has a secret family with the housekeeper. She’s probably a bit messed up. And he clearly is- this screams rebound.  I just feel for his son who is probably going to…

Was that not clear?

If shooting it was as boring as watching it, what choice would they have had?

Sooooo, would it be too early in the proceedings to say that I’m already eagerly awaiting the divorce announcement?  That and a warning for any 19-year-olds interested in being wife #3 should probably start getting ready now.

I honestly love that in the face of a school which thought the macarena was too sexual, she went right ahead and humped a tree. 

Katy Perry’s suspension report is pretty adorable - I love how she was chastised for calling third graders brats. Sounds like fairly normal sixth grade behavior haha.

Oh hurray...Chris Pratt has finally crossed the line from occasional annoying celebrity to constant annoying celebrity. Between the Bible diet, saying he’d have to ask Jesus as to how he’d deal with James Gunn’s firing, and now getting engaged to Arnold Schwartzenegger’s daughter...Pratt can go disappear somewhere and…

The internet in general and Kinja in particular have very strong views on the order of the Best Chrises. It is a thing that is known. So I can’t even fathom what it would feel like to get engaged to the universally acknowledged Worst Chris, who is Worst Chris by a substantial margin.

Pratt is also currently on the “Daniel Fast,”

Mulvaney reportedly said that the two parties “should find a middle ground” between the $5.7 billion and the Democrats’ counteroffer for $1.3 billion

That’s the one thing that has always struck me, above all others, about this particular shutdown.

“Democracts won’t come to the table!”

Followed immediately by, “But they will have to give us 100% of what we want, or they can fuck off!”

That’s not how negotiation works. You give to get—at some point, something within the…

This clown’s fate, entirely crafted by his own words and actions and the rightful consequences to them, might be the funniest thing I’ve seen all week.