Gotta marry em when you find a trifecta like that.

Translation: Seahawks brass didn’t like that the truth leaked, and called another stooge to kick some dirt around the facts.

Based on personal experience of dating plenty of unstable people, I’m just going to assume the conversation went like this.

Out of all the characters in this story, I think I like the bulldog the most.

Yeah, fuck that shit.

Jim Rome from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. PT and Doug Gottlieb from 12 p.m. to 3 p.m.

I could also take a lemon popsicle, put a condom on it and ram it right up my arse until the whole thing melts and I have to yank it out like a fucking tampon.

I’m not a parent, but I feel like swearing on the life of your child should be reserved for really important things like denying you cut one in the elevator or convincing your wife you’re too sick to go to your child’s dance recital.

how to properly track a raccoon through suburbia

I love your name

my current strategy for anthem/troop appreciation standing is picking out the fattest guy I can see and only standing if they do first

Dude this isn’t church league, and that is not a carry.

Over the course of a decade, he 1) traveled out of Philly, 2) got in a fight, and 3) did wheelies on a dirt bike. Even accounting for him being on probation, does that list really sound like it merits two to four years in prison?

Ouch looking like TJ miller but not being famous? I’d prob hit the gym instead of he stranger

Shut it down.

You see, you try to make things “less basic”...

great

My dream wedding takes place at the local courthouse with a judge and two witnesses, with all the money that would’ve been spent on a ceremony instead getting blown on a kickass, first class honeymoon. Honestly I’ve never understood why people burn so much money on a single day affair when they could have an amazing…