Afterschool Satan is a project by the Satanic Temple, a group that is basically a way for atheists to be recognized as religious by the government, and to go and fuck shit up for (generally christian) overreach in public spaces.

“The only person you will ever make happy is the Mexican who digs your grave.” — Nikki Glaser

I love you for that.

Are you for real?! Mariah can’t even fucking walk without two aides to hold her up.

I’m just terrified OF THE KITCHEN. It looks... hungry.

I would be terrified to eat anything in that kitchen. Kitchens are supposed to be places you can relax in.

I simply adore a kitchen where it is clear not one crumb of food has ever been prepared.

Ugh. I really like Bittersweet Symphony and always picture the last scene of Cruel Intentions and NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.

Apply ice directly to the burn

Personally, I simply want to reduce the vaping community down to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it.

Boulder is progressive white people “no way are we homophobic/racist/ sexist/ablelist” because we recycle and love Bernie Sanders and are blind to our own fucking privilege

“You’re The Pun That I Want...”

Please see above.

yeahhhhhhh, I remember that now! So the ‘being reshot within an inch of it’s life’ makes more sense if they realized post-teaser that people were mega grossed out by the main premise.

My colleagues and I are discussing this like any other national crisis--our current theory? Parenting dispute = Conflict over respecting a child’s gender identity.

I care so little about those people that I didn’t even click the link. Just hovering over it to read the headline was all the info I needed or wanted.

Breaking up over parenting differences is sad, if that’s accurate. Huge difference between visitation and joint custody.

Why didn’t they just screenshotted it?

For future reference, everyone read this story and head to the comments to let me know if you care about these people/think they deserve more coverage on Jezebel.com! [THL]