The most fun thing to do after ordered makeup has arrived is to then test it by just slathering it all over your face with no regrets.

ARE YOU KIDDING. ARE YOU GODDAMN KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. PLEASE LOOK AT MY BURNER NAME AND SOMEONE GET ME A PAPER BAG TO BREATHE INTO STAT. OMG. OMG OMG OMG.

I know it’s not the takeaway, but I am also irritated with the friend for using the term “nice sleek pants” because leggings aren’t pants.

Columbus sailed the ocean blue

I’m so sorry! That’s such a shitty experience. And the “we have to talk...” move is the worst. It always makes me want to snarl. ”No, we don’t have to talk, YOU have to talk, so make it snappy, pal, and let me get on with my life!” I don’t know what time zone you’re in, but it’s 11:00 where I am, so I hope it’s all…

We’ll thank you to keep Peyton out of this. Sincerely, Colorado

Boy, not me. The man is 30 years old! How did he not know this before now?!?

Russell Wilson is the regular flavored ice cream of sports. He’s a pleasant drive through Vermont. He’s that feeling you get after that foot cramp goes away. Fuck that guy.

Every time I see Ciara with Russell Wilson, he looks like a super nerd who is so excited he got the hot girl, and she has this grin on her face like she is screaming on the inside wishing she was still with her ex. :-| “No Russell, I looooove that we don’t have sex”. I feel you girl. We all rebound.

Yu should apply for a job with the Dowager Countess of Downton Abbey! At least you know how to make a broth, unlike some servants (cough cough, Denker) I know.