God that speech. That speech is worth Tatiana’s loss.

I CRIED, next to Lupita’s speech at the Oscars I feel so validated and represented. I’m glad I get to grow up with all these woc as role models. Viola is the reason I keep growing out my natural hair.

Um, pregnancy.

A Story of Few Words: A Sexy Haiku

Every time I get a notice from my credit card company telling me they’ve increased my limit, I want to send them back a letter saying “No, please don’t. Please.”

He could have said, “I am not the one who makes the hiring decisions for talk show hosts. I look forward to some female talk show hosts joining us in next year’s photo.” But he went with condescending headpats instead. Ugh.

But he brought it up to dismiss concerns about the lack of women in comedy. If he had brought up those examples as a counterpoint to a statement like, “there are no good women working in comedy right now,” or “women aren’t that funny,” those would be great examples. But he’s using that to silence criticism of the late…

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

I was way more of a smart-ass when I worked in a bookstore, since my manager was always job hunting and couldn’t have cared less. During the height of the “Twilight” craze, right when the last book and the first movie had been released, we were sent a metric ton of merch, including those SweetHearts chalk-flavored…

We’ve all been there. Mine was the one time I was shelving books at the library, wearing my work badge and (a rarity) a t-shirt with the library’s logo on it. A patron came up and asked “Do you work here?” Given that I was having a bad day and it was about the five hundredth time I had heard that question, I just sort…

My husband and I toured the Paris Catacombs. It was one of the pivotal experiences in my life - I emerged with a profound acceptance of my own mortality, along with some insight into the darker side of human nature. While we were in there, we saw a woman (an American, sunnysunny-blond, moneyed, extremely entitled) pry…

During the children’s sermon on Christmas Eve, the pastor gave the gifts these gorgeously wrapped presents. The kids opened them and the boxes were empty - he was building to something. So he asked the kids if they knew why their boxes were empty? Much much louder than he anticipated due to the fine ascoustics in the…

Mentioning the 9/11 gift shop always makes me think of this.

The designated hitter.

I got my butt groped multiple times at the Vatican ON Easter Sunday at mass. I was 14.

My Jewish parents attended mass given at the Vatican by Pope John Paul II. I asked why, and my dad told me he was hungry and wanted the cracker.

I wrote a parody of Passion of the Christ (as a kind of performance art piece) that was so sacrilegious that my friends who performed in it had their kid taken away in a custody dispute when the Catholic judge was shown pics of it. Took years to straighten out. Worst thing I ever accidentally did.

I’m sure everyone else has a better one, but this is my best shot:

The thing is guys are never asked that question, especially sports guys. I literally cannot think of a time a guy was asked why he wasn’t smiling.

He wouldn’t ask a man the same question. That’s the problem.