Tawm Brady would neva get cawt with a hookah.

Looks like another Jets pass that ended up in the wrong hands.

His teammate Darrelle Revis was suppose to intercept the package for him, but got beat by the postal worker.

Morristown PD, hookah brother up!

You have to hand it to Marshawn for telling it like it is. Passing him over isn’t a sound strategy.

Clutch doesn’t exist.

As a matter of fact, George Washington’s army didn’t have a single soldier who was born in the United States.

Everything will get better when Hillary Clinton picks people of color to sell weapons to the middle east and supervise the national growth of charter schools.

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

Saturday, October 13, 2001. The witching hour. A nervous and sweaty Bill Belichick shuffles cautiously into the intersection between two dirt roads in rural Massachusetts. In his hand is a small tin box containing a lock of his hair, a chicken foot, the bone from a cat’s paw and a sachel of herbs. On the inside lid of…

You’re now third on the Browns QB depth chart.

Headlines that assume something about my knowledge. “10 things you didn’t know about [x].” “Everything you know about [x] is wrong.” Motherfucker, how do you know what I do or don’t know about something?!

C’mon, it’s definitely the lightning guy.

Here’s reddit’s:

I don’t think chicks dig watches, man.

A little drug I like to call... Life!

Breaking news...no drug quite like it

I think so, David Spade