I am losing everything on Draft Kings.

I don’t get it. I am no insider analyst, but $6 Million seems like absolute peanuts for the amount of coverage and benefit the military gets for their close association with the NFL.

I am no fan of it, but it seems like money well-spent.

This is deviousness he could have used when negotiating that treaty with England.

Well, it will probably be days before Anderson Varejao joins him in the hospital

Player One: Johnny Manziel
Player Two: Johnny Football
Player Three: Johnny Fuckin’ Football

20-ish years ago, I stumbled onto Limbaugh on the radio. I listened for a month before I realized that he wasn’t ironic performance art.

Marry. Fuck. Kill.

Life is so much better for the second-to-the throne.

Does my beard hide my extra chin?

I did not become royalty to have to crane my neck around assholes like this. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!!

Why the hell am I not on the Big Screen.

“What’s homo milk? Is this milk from GAY COWS?!”

I started laughing (because seriously, what the hell?) and her equally drunk friend RUNS over and dumps the rest of the container in her mouth and goes “THEY TOTALLY TASTE LIKE VAGINA.”

Those censors are crotchety.

Fear The Roo!

Missing that goal was just the first of many expected punishments to be handed down to Volkswagen.

She sounds like a character from The Sound and the Fury 2

For Those About To Rock, step lightly and be careful not to divot the area where you rock.

Hell’s bells, people.

Wait. Won’t this just make VW super popular among climate deniers?

Thank you.

People will no longer trust Volkswagen and, in many cases, these are Volkswagen’s best customers.