I sympathize with his mental health struggles, truly, I do. However, if you are very sensitive to opinions about your work and life, maybe being a famous stand-up comedian who publicly dates very famous women is not the right life for you.

Too much of mom’s chili

Floyd’s Owner: I-I-I never thought I’d survive. I totally screwed the pooch here.

Looks like Peterson finally learned not to go for the switch.

Nobody cares about your Fantasy team, Gabe.

Start a rumor that there is a curse on anyone who steals the salt and pepper shakers. Fake a letter to the editor of the local newspaper claiming to be from an out of towner who wants help returning stolen shakers because things started going terribly wrong after they stole the shakers.

What context is there for encouraging a person you purport to love for weeks on end to kill themselves that makes that behavior the least bit tolerable? 

Unless things have changed since the early 2000s, the guy with the restraints is an actual Chicago cop. Which explains his struggle to put a white person in handcuffs.

Trump supporters.

Actually the arbiters of the Unwritten Rules look down fondly at being mad about hitting a home run. After all, you should be disgusted for bringing too much attention upon yourself and “killing the rally” with a grandiose dong.

Given that physicians have the same power as referees to determine whether or not players can play, it boggles my mind that the various unions haven't insisted on a truly independent medical corps paid collectively by the league rather than by individual teams.

And in a crowded building under camera surveillance, in a block crammed with traffic, in a downtown area!

when was the last time you saw a sex scene in a superhero film? watchmen? the wolverine?

By this criteria, Endgame should have done really well.

Jeesh. Can you believe this shit. Back in my day a man would actually meet a woman and pay her to humiliate him. The internet just continues to destroy the concept of actual human contact. Get off the couch you lazy gimps. 

You know what, good on that shady doctor for bilking these assholes out of their money.

I remember when this movie came out there was this whole hullabaloo about its depiction of women, how women tended to be portrayed as prizes, and how the movie failed the Bechdel test. I never understood why this movie in particular got singled out for that, and how the discussion affected people’s response to it (I…

How much steak do you typically order at IHOP?