This is literally the greatest, most accurate description of a human being I have ever read.

Was it good? I've never heard of it.

I have to say, I actually find Mittens to be quite attractive.

BACK AND FORTH FOREVER

Did you know that on a Blackberry, the emoticon for a hug is ({})? I always found that amusing.

This actually made me tear up. Amazing work, ladies and gents.

Replying to promote!

I have to say, I've never particularly liked Rudolph, but she KILLED it on SNL this time.

I think we have different definitions of simple and immediate.

What's your suggestion for an immediate, simple solution to making millions of people change their eating habits?

Chewing on Stuff 101

Was it a real gift card?

But she's not. She uses the most tired old jokes that sound like they come of a "Yo Momma" joke book. Look, she's old! She's fat! She looks like a horse!

My life just changed. I texted like four people.

Oh hell no. I love cleaning out my ears. My sister even had the cotton part of a Q-tip fall off and disappear in her ear, but I use them every day.

I don't get the love for Joan. People hate Chelsea Handler and like Joan? I don't understand that.

This comment just blew my mind.

I think you'd have to have been there to pass that kind of a judgement. There's a difference between saying, "Oh my god, this lecture is boring! Pull the fire alarm!" and "I NEED TO GET OFF THIS PLANE RIGHT NOW OPEN THAT DOOR." We don't know how it happened.

I think he looks more like James Van Der Beek.

Thank you for sharing! I haven't seen those signs. I'll look for them next time I fly.