Here’s one he helped us with:

I am never going to New Mexico.

Exclusive photo of McDonough outside NFL offices this morning.

Airing a Packers/Bears (ugh) game on Thursday (UUUUGGGGH) is not going to help. I think I’d rather take up smoking methamphetamines instead of watching that trash heap.

Kid from the Make A Wish Foundation knew he should have just asked for a table dance.

If the NFL really wanted to do something about TV ratings, they’d stop airing Jets games.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the strong-armed and the tyranny of fast-throwing men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the bases. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost rhythm. And I will…

“Blessed are the out-makers, for they shall be called the children of OBP.”

Matthew 27:29: And they twisted together a sombrero of gold and put it on His head. They put a bat in His right hand and knelt down before Him to mock Him, saying, “Hail, King of the Mets!”

“Tim Tebow Saves First Base For Marriage”

I’m shocked — Shocked! — to find that there’s shenanigans going on in here.

Low-angle end-zone photographs

Nothing like being able to watch yourself score.

And if you told me the final score of the game in question, I would have assumed you were talking about a video game and not real life.

I’m guessing Skyline chili. 

Rap hipsters are the worst.

This article belongs on The Ringer. I’m not complimenting you.

I feel cursed for having clicked on this article...

Schilling looks like the truck driver at the counter in some diner in the middle of nowhere ready to tell you how the world REALLY works, which they aren’t gonna teach you in some fancy college.