While I was eating out the hottest girl I ever spoke to. No, it wasn’t her smell or taste or anything, I was drunk off my ass. I’m not usually a big drinker but I was nervous about fucking it up and wanted some liquid courage(irony in its true form.)

I’d adopted a parrot while living in Brazil as a teenager - his name was Squawk, he was bright green, he impersonated the sound of the garage door opening, and he was pretty awesome. I’d also adopted a cat who was destined to be euthanized named Tabor - he was a feral kitten, and he was mostly tamed.

It’s April, I’m 3 months pregnant, and I’m trying to get to work.

four years ago i moved to india for six months to work on evaluating a program preventing the transmission of hiv from mother to child. the first day i got there, my host family wasn’t ready, so the organization put me in a hotel in the middle of the old city in jodhpur. so here i was, in this completely new culture…

edit even more details about it-

Basic Combat Training, no one cares if your ill, I had to go through a flu during basic and it was awful. I had to do the PT and then sit in 80+ degree weather at the firing range day after day. It go too the point where I became dehydrated because I started vomiting up any water I tried to drink, I could not stand…

I LOVED the food in Russia, because I love mayo, cheese, butter, garlic and dill. All of these things were combined in a “cheese salad” that I got everyday on my way home from school to the dorms when I was abroad for a while a couple of years back. It was from the deli counter and there was so much garlic in it, it…

Also once I got up too quickly, felt lightheaded, saw the white flashes in my eyes that mean head rush, so I leant on my brother and said ‘hold me up I feel a bit lightheaded’.

Also, the time I threw up on the hot social studies sub’s shoe in sixth grade...

I JUST REMEMBERED THIS ONE! I was scheduled to model for a photoshoot for a dominatrix friend, starting like 10 a.m. or something. I had gone out briefly the night before and had exactly two beers, then gotten a turkey hero at the bodega on my way home at a very reasonable hour. I woke up feeling that expulsive…

I swear I know how to spell “girl” but I'm drunk and auto-correct is not my friend...

I’m down here in the grays, so I doubt anyone will see this, but my whole life has been leading up to this contest...

Ok so earlier this year I had a hemorrhoidectomy. Not super common for my age and non-maternal status but whatevs. Right out of surgery, the anesthesia made me so groggy and nauseous. I was disoriented and I kept trying to say things but my lips wouldn’t work. I vomited but they gave me some saline and sent me home…

This brings back uncomfortably graphic memories that should not be read while eating.

Thank God I’m anonymous! This was about 15 years ago.

In the middle of MIT’s central lobby. During my college tour. On my 16th birthday, no less.

This should be buried in the greys because of the shame.....

I was eleven years old, on a trip to Kenya and Tanzania with my parents. (I think we were still in Kenya at this point, maybe on our way to Tanzania.) We had gotten all our shots and were being very diligent about taking our quinidine to prevent malaria and only drinking soda (even bottled water wasn’t necessarily…

I am not sure which of these is worse. I was queasy all day long. I also had to let the dogs in and out, all day long. The one dog has a terrible habit of jumping up and hitting me in the stomach with both front feet. Yes. I threw up on Sadie. Then there is this one:

This is perhaps my favorite story of all time. I was out at the club for my 23rd birthday and I was totally done up in a basically sheer orange bandage dress with these adorable white heels. I was a slutty creamiscle. I was so happy because my then boyfriend, an incredibly dull but friendly and safe man, never took me…