I'm beginning to think Jaden is the reincarnation of Buddha's slower younger brother, Gary.

"My blood pumps through my veins just like common women, one pump at a time, and certainly not through a synthesized heart facsimile given to me by our glorious hivemother—am I right ladies?"

VD is for everybody.

I was standing right behind them and when I got to the counter the cashier and I exchanged a look like we had just seen an albino baby rhino, rare and beautiful.

Well, sorry, because you know I'm a fan and all, but "Cilantro Lime Crema" is a terrible substitute for guacamole and an even worse idea for a screenname.

This thread is everything.

I love that you changed your username specifically for this. For what it's worth (and because a lot of people are commenting about this), I'm pretty sure that's a cilantro-lime crema, not guac.

Maybe they just get confused when people call it a "lift."

Good luck finding me THOSE stories!

Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

I was at Fred Meyer one Saturday afternoon, on a holiday weekend, so the place was mobbed - and for some reason management had put this poor brand-new employee on the register. The woman in front of me decides to pay for her groceries with a check, which of course she doesn't even start pulling out of her purse until…

Till is the worst, even when customers are nice.

"I need another Long Island. And make this one goooood. I couldn't taste any alcohol in the last one," she told her.

Can we have a round of applause for all of the awesome managers this week? There is nothing more satisfying than a manager that has your back when a customer is being an asshole.

The other day I witnessed a mother grabbing her (13 year old?) son by the front of his shirt and saying "don't you EVER do that again" for being snotty to the cashier at a coffee shop.

That is not the solution. "Go to college, get some student loans and graduate with upwards of $20k in debt!" thanks so much for the suggestion!!!!

God I needed this. THIS IS WHAT I'VE DEALT WITH ALL DAY.

Why is every asshole's first friendly tip that we should all go to college?

THIS GUACAMOLE IS THE INCORRECT COLOR.