Listen, if you ever call it an iPad again, I’ll bury your house in Microsoft Surfaces. For the last time, not every tablet is a freakin’ iPad!

If I read this, am I somehow contributing to a Cameron Crowe erection?

My headline:

Gyms where the TVs are muted? Guantanamo Bay? Everybody’s racist uncle?

Newsflash - that so-called “Pomeranian” is a full-grown Siberian Husky.

I think we all knew you meant 216 divided by 24 equals 9.0.

Well, not yet...

I bet the reporter’s boss was flooded with phone calls.

This joins the Viper’s crushed head as an image I’ll never be able to get rid of. Thanks.

Ugh. This year was probably Doc’s best shot to lose a 3-0 lead.

The timing might be perfect - Doc can finally fulfill his destiny and blow a 3-0 lead! The stars have aligned!

TMS doesn’t want the boss to overhear.

He’s the first guy I thought of when I encountered this tragedy.

I would’ve gotten the team. However, you could’ve handed me pictures of 30 middle-aged men, and I would’ve had exactly ZERO idea which one was Steve Clifford.

I think part of the problem with Mr. Oden is his difficulty in stopping at 4 or 5 shots.

Reggie Miller = Kyle Korver?

Interregnum? Really? Do you think I come to Deadspin to look up words?

He might have pages, but he doesn’t have the best words.

The foulest tip.

That “again” is Jordan referencing another Bulls team that, though it’s not especially well-remembered now, made a serious run at the wins record of its own: the 1991-92 Bulls, who fell short of the Lakers by only winning 67 games, then the second-most regular season wins of all time.