Wait until you’re told to calm down.

Wouldn't it be a shame if a resistance band were to magically shoot across the room like a giant rubber band into his balls?????

“Simply put,” one woman said, “I’m sick of being perceived.”
That last part is too real.

I was going to suggest following the East Asian method of wearing a mask because “I caught a cold” but then I remembered we’re talking about America where someone is probably going to point a gun at someone over it.

He watched Succession and saw Greg’s manilla file folder labeled “Secret” and thought “Yep, that seems rock solid”.  

This made me laugh, and on today we all need a good laugh.

I think immigration, gun control, and climate change are really important, substantive issues that need to be addressed and this administration better have better answers than they gave...

OH boy, I love this one!!!

My favorite was my first date with my husband.

I mean, the way you put it

I don’t know if it was a date really, but I have this great memory of going with my ex to Target so he could buy more underwear. We were both really hungover and he kept cracking jokes and making me laugh. We spent a lot of time playing whatever game was in the X-Box demo station. He was a really emotionally…

Peanut butter and hot sauce rolled in a tortilla. And by "as a kid" I'm including up to age "today".

I was always partial to grape Dimetapp

Reconsidering my life because I still like doing both those things...

butter. a stick of fucking butter.

Bold of you to assume I don't still enjoy weird food.

G’day mate! Aussie here and I am happy with this outcome. My feed on Facebook is clear of all the doom and gloom posts about the sad state of the world. Instead, I have 3 posts from friends about their life, interests, experiences etc and then a sponsored post about something I just ignore.

Did anyone see Perez Hilton “apologize” to Mischa Barton on The Hills reboot? It very quickly turned into “why the fuck aren’t you accepting my apology you fucking bitch” and it was not surprising.

The fascists bleating about unity and healing and all the same old tiresome cant.

“I am the hurricane that comes every single year, and you can expect to see me again soon.”

I’m learning that I am not lightning that strikes once. I am the hurricane that comes every single year, and you can expect to see me again soon.