The shelf is where the Oreo's are...where else do you think he’d be? We’ll just have to reinforce it with some steel I-beams and he’ll be fine.

Baseball is not messing around with it’s attempts to remove the head first slide from the game.

I thought I was thinking about Livan Hernandez too, but I’m pretty sure he’s never struck anyone out before...*googles Livan Hernandez*...1,976 strike outs...son of bitch

Felix Hernandez is 30

I don’t know why but I read the headline as, “That Time Steph Curry Stepped On Paul Allen’s Son”

If we’re living in a world where we can no longer make Pablo Sandoval fat jokes because he’s on the shelf for a year then we’re living in a world that I want no part of.

I very rarely get angry, but when I do it’s tremendous. I mean the best angry ever.

When she’s at her monthly book club meeting Mike’s mother is amazingly more ashamed of him than his brother Peter.

Iron Man is not going anywhere. Disney gives RDJ $50 million and then they get $1 billion. That’s how the world works.

DC actually killed off a BIG character in their movie. They killed off fucking Superman. So HA! DC did something better than Marvel for once...wait a minute...

This game look place in Louisiana, yes? What are the chances the opossum came out of that trash bag alive? 2-3%?

Defensemen and goalies can sometimes not mature until their late twenties. Players like Aaron Ekblad are the freakish exceptions.

The Lightning are so freaking deep. Stamkos leaving in the off season may not be the worst outcome. They’re going to have to start paying some of these other players and that’s a lot easier if you’re not tying up 10 million for one player.

Bill Murray has the best life