Ted Cruz is the only real choice for Gollum.

Darn biased media, reporting on stuff her candidate has done and said. It’s just not fair!

Everyone looks fantastic but all I’m thinking about is Sandra Lee’s dreaded tablescapes.

Jenny Slate is obsessed with Chris Evans and its ruining his previously chill lifestyle

... I guess I should feel offended, but I feel nothing but exhaustion and a hollow, dried up feeling. Like I’m a zombie just waiting until November 8th to cast my ballot and then shuffle on out of this detested earth.  

If it looks like a creep, acts like a creep, is named Kreep... Well, never mind. Amazing that the people of San Diego should have picked this gem to serve as a judge but maybe most of they never end looked that far down the ballot?

Right? It’s not 2002 and you’re not obsessed with Cider House Rules anymore. (Just me?)

This is a Goop product without the Goop build-up. Pass!

I wrote this semi-jokingly, but it can be a source of real fear for people who have experienced it. The closest comparison I can think of is in Greek mythology when people hear the Great God Pan (and his pipes)— sowing fear and hysteria wherever he goes. (Thus the roots for the word panic.)

Here’s the thing: cows are stupid.

Listen, if I enter & win this contest in the hopes being bitten by a vampire and achieving immortality, who is gonna stop me!!

Another reason Hillary’s shade worked so well is because instantly baffled Trump into taking it as a compliment to himself — he was suspicious of what Crooked Hillary would take it as an opportunity to mock him! — but then he relaxed when the meaning of her words sunk into his pumpkin-like head.

No contest, he’s the worst person in America.

Everyone knows women love to be silenced and shamed!

Donald Trump Jr., the embodiment of every stereotype about people named “Jr.”

Hard agree, NYT.

... She looks a bit like Ivanka....

So, who did kill Peter if it wasn’t the Cranston bros?

Since I also live in a Southern state prone to “over-regulation” of brown people, I checked out what was needed to get married in my county. Turns out I need the completed application, a driver’s license (or passport, or a birth certificate — if not in English, you can get a notary to translate it) and $10 (possibly…

#PrayTheQuakesAway