Totally appreciate the Bachelor/ette write-ups — they enable me to fake my way through conversations with my co-workers/technical superiors. That Chad! What a villain! (He's not in this one, right?)

I would sell my entire house and its contents for that sparkly nude number she wore for the Toxic vid.

Look, I'm serious — Jezebel deserves a Pulitzer for blowing this Lochte supervillain angle wide open.

Nice to see that the chart about the death of love is Batman-shaped.

That's Peggy Carter Red! :D

That's Peggy Carter Red! :D

This drama is giving me so much life. Is Cougar subtweeting about Lochte? Please say yes.

This is the apex of Lochteography and I am proud to have witnessed it.

It looks like macaroni noodle dipped in gold — perfect for a Trump in your life!

What's the problem with using member of Congress?

Honestly, what else are you going to do in upper Canada in the mid-1800's besides sex and murder?

I don't see how this is NOT shouting fire (almost literally) in a crowded theatre.

Please be having a Jorge Ramos themed Dirtbag, thanks, Gawker Media.

It's the grease that holds the look (and everything else) together.

The mentally frail woman is the flipside of another time-honored stereotype: the sinister woman who silently plots, purposefully aiding evil for her own gain.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, Whelp. I hope with all my heart that your mom and your brother are able to get away and be safe!

I love them both. Also Gabby Douglas’ lipstick choices this Olympics.

I thought that happened when we voted for Obama?!

Yeah, I have an hour-long commute and desperately need something to fill the void.

It is great! I like the conversational, informal tone — and I can deeply identify with the need to be a little flip and a lot humorous about subjects that cause you deep anxiety. I wish I had someone to talk about murder with!

THERE’S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BALLROOM!