“I’ve never done anything illegal, immoral, unethical.”

(I walk on stage at a press conference after another long day at the office)

My brain lit up like “Holy shit, are people this impatient with Kevin Durant” Then I skipped the video because it had an ad.

there’s a guy outside who says he needs to be in here

Update: Tony Romo was also injured on the play.

Blair Walsh is masturbating to this game right now, filled with self-loathing.

At least they waited till she got home to take her car. I’m a glass half full kind of guy.

I came for the child rape jokes. +1

Hat tip to any dong this big that’s managed to last for more than four hours.

+1 Pete Carroll tossing loose change at those strippers.

You realize you are stone cold crazy, right?

Well when you say the key to preventing this from happening again is figure out what the victim doing, you are implying it was the victim’s fault.

I admire that you haven’t let the fact that nobody likes you stop you from being unbearably annoying.

Conflicted. It’s like a fight between Hitler and Satan.

John Wayne Gacy created more jobs than Trump ever did.

6,935,000 Days of Cro Magnon

I think we can rule out Derrick as a suspect if you just review his shooting percentage

Where’s he touching that person? Maybe he is applying for the priesthood.