In happier news, a woman who was born prior to women being allowed to vote just cast her ballot for Hillary Clinton. It’s pretty incredible to think all that this woman has seen in her lifetime and that she is alive today to not only vote but for the first female presidential candidate.

Tomorrow the FBI will, by sheer happenstance, simultaneously release Vince Foster’s prom photos and autopsy report, and a field agent’s in-depth profile of Ivanka, including his curious observation that “her shampoo smells like an angel’s perfume and leaves everyone around her intoxicated. Is she even real? Who’s to…

I think on some level, many people don’t believe Hillary Clinton would be running the country. They think Bill Clinton would be running the country and Hillary would be his mouthpiece, because Hillary doesn’t have a penis, and whoever heard of someone without a penis running things?

I’m not quite sure why, but I think I know who the FBI brass is voting for.

Meteor 2016, I think we’re ready for you.

I mean this isn’t really creepy, you were just abducted.

Oooh! I’ve got one!

This has been their modus operandi for most of my adult life.

Also did Brazile really think Hillary would be floored by these shockingly obscure questions? “A question about the situation in Flint? Where did that come from?”

WHAT THE HELL WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS AND PUT IT IN WRITING.

Fucking good. She should resign. It’s appalling that she leaked the questions from CNN, or that she even got them in the first place. And setting aside how stupid it was to leak things in general, she should at least have had the damn tradecraft to do it over the phone and not in a fucking email. And also, apparently…

i’m going into a medically induced coma until next thursday. bye

When I saw the headline, I was kinda hoping for 3 pages of “fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou”.....but this is better.

This seems like the natural reaction to being judged by Smash Mouth.

The disturbing thing about this defense is that it implies that Cosby raped so many women he’d have trouble identifying which one is accusing him.

Is there a real reason hudgens can’t rock lots of tiny braids? I’m indifferent to her, but I really don’t care what color, race someone is, everyone who wants to rock tiny braids should be able to rock tiny braids. It’s not like she did black face.

Bring back disemvoweling!