I did the knee-jerk thing and clicked on the crack pipe vote...because gross interior 25-year-old rusty truck, amiright?

Bear with me. I just need to hop on Twitter to complain that Jennifer Lawrence is technically no better than me at falling upstairs, but is getting wildly more press for it than I do. 

He’s also a germaphobe, so it’s a twofer.

Anyone who ever—even for an instant—takes the spotlight off Special Big Boy is getting a reprimand.

This dude is further up his own ass than the super-serious high school theater kid who hisses at the parents in the audience if someone sneezes during that year’s production of CATS.

It always gets me when a racist white person lets their racism get in the way of their bottom line. That’s the kind of racism that seperates you from the casual racists, when you love your racism more than you love your money. You will risk a sale, and the money to feed and cloth your own family, ‘cause one of your…

Blue Ivy’s great but she’s no

This is a very appropriate summation of the mood...

Question? If a turn signal blinks in the forest and no one’s there to see it, does it matter? BMW drivers have been struggling with this philosophical thought for decades. 

Needs yellow splitter guards.

I can’t wait until the Russians give Elizabeth Warren the Donald pee tape.

I fucking love that we have a President that constantly needs other people to explain what he really means when he publicly says something completely stupid.

it says “safari all the things”

Let me drop a little lawyer on you:

Q: You’re 70 now?

A: That’s correct

Q: So, we’re to believe you’re a gentle-driving retiree, is that it?

A: Why, yes, sonny, that’s right.

So when does Stewart run for president? I’d vote for him.

a company that sells an addictive substance isn’t behaving righteously! the horror! *smugly puffs juul*

Never had such strong cubbyhole envy until I saw these pictures. I love me some good cubbyholes. I want me some good cubbyholes.

His storage/cubbyhole game is strong, though.