Don't worry — I understood

One of my wife's old friends has regularly posted something from The Onion as fact and then adds some kind of political rant. Everyone gently, but firmly, reminds him the onion is satire. He gets really defensive but then gives up. But a month later it happens again!

Well, that conspiracy officially tops the one about Obama being a Muslim that hates America as the worst I've ever heard. It's actually far more depraved.

Serious question: is Marshawn not going to sign that new deal on the table? I refuse to believe he would just walk away from a proposed 12 million next year, but as time goes on I'm beginning to worry.

I feel kind of sick for starring this... I hope he's not like brain-dead or something.

The talking assholes on 710 ESPN (Seattle) are going to shit their brains out over this. Looking forward to it.

It kind of depends on the car. Consider the Toyota Tacoma, which has an absurd resale value. You get a reliable pickup for X years, then you can sell it if need be for a nice chunk of change. No major depreciation problem and no out-of-warranty major problems.

[screams in terror]

Pretty sure he was just saying hello!

Main takeaway from this: he relapses a lot.

Awkward...

Cal Ripken is awesome.

Pitino's patented single-thrust

So basically they knew what happened, let him play anyway, and then dismissed him when someone determined that it was only a matter of time before someone found out. Neat!

What are collard greens?

I never understood why white people like to make fried chicken and watermelon jokes at the expense of black people. Fried chicken is fucking delicious.

Was this written by Bill Simmons?

Some are okay, but I don't really see any I would take over a current helmet... Seahawks one is really bad.

Boom

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! That's dangerous thinking. Too logical.