If you hosted a gathering of NBA players who don’t flop on the regular you’d be looking at an empty room.

Dwayne Wade will eat your heart and devour your soul. Take heed—run away and fast.

ESPN starting to shed a bunch of their assholes (Schilling, Tirico, Ditka demoted off Countdown, etc.) is like the WWE suddenly stockpiling awesome independent talent instead of their usual generic meatheads. In both cases, I wasn’t expecting those types of maneuvers, but will not complain.

Hey, his agent fought for that line in his contract stipulating that he gets leftover concessions. It’s nobody’s fault that it took so long to check him out that all of the corn dogs and pretzels were gone.

ESPN Management: “Got a clip of Curry after the game. It needs something though. Anyone got a sad quote?”

Sound Tech: “No quote but remember that 30 for 30 bed music that even Simmons thought was too melodramatic?”

ESPN Management: “Yes, why? Oh...OH. Do it!”

Because this sandwich has “New York Values,” if you get my drift.

Well, it looks like I will be watching, for the first time in my life, an actual clip of footage from NCIS!

Hey, we found Christian Bale’s doppelganger!

“I can’t swim! I can’t swim!”

You cynical fucks can go fuck yourselves, 60 points on 50 shots is literally the perfect ending to Kobe’s career.

Same things as BvS, but this one is amazing and the other isn’t. People want to like Marvel films and they do. People want to hate DC films and they do.

So this is what the Deadspin staff talk about all day...

He didn’t destroy the Matrix. He helped the machines get rid of Agent Smith in exchange for peace. The Matrix still exists and will continue to exist.

Last scene in the Matrix trilogy direct from...you guessed it, inside the Matrix ;)

“Neo sacrifices himself by returning to the source, thus destroying the virtual reality prison known as the Matrix”

Every 10 people gathered, they lost a point in their iQ.

Truer words have never been written in a comments section.

The only thing dumber than some of us is all of us, together.

“Terrell Suggs driving on a suspended license.”

There isn’t enough Busch Light in the world to make me understand what people get out of watching wrestling.