If you hosted a gathering of NBA players who don’t flop on the regular you’d be looking at an empty room.

Dwayne Wade will eat your heart and devour your soul. Take heed—run away and fast.

ESPN starting to shed a bunch of their assholes (Schilling, Tirico, Ditka demoted off Countdown, etc.) is like the WWE suddenly stockpiling awesome independent talent instead of their usual generic meatheads. In both cases, I wasn’t expecting those types of maneuvers, but will not complain.

Hey, his agent fought for that line in his contract stipulating that he gets leftover concessions. It’s nobody’s fault that it took so long to check him out that all of the corn dogs and pretzels were gone.

ESPN Management: “Got a clip of Curry after the game. It needs something though. Anyone got a sad quote?”

Sound Tech: “No quote but remember that 30 for 30 bed music that even Simmons thought was too melodramatic?”

ESPN Management: “Yes, why? Oh...OH. Do it!”

Because this sandwich has “New York Values,” if you get my drift.

Well, it looks like I will be watching, for the first time in my life, an actual clip of footage from NCIS!

Hey, we found Christian Bale’s doppelganger!

“I can’t swim! I can’t swim!”

You cynical fucks can go fuck yourselves, 60 points on 50 shots is literally the perfect ending to Kobe’s career.

So this is what the Deadspin staff talk about all day...

“Terrell Suggs driving on a suspended license.”

There isn’t enough Busch Light in the world to make me understand what people get out of watching wrestling.

Yeah, why do people care that a caster for one of the world’s most popular esports was publicly fired by Gabe Newell - President, CEO, and billionaire of one of the most important gaming companies on the planet? I can’t believe a videogame news website is even reporting this.

I’m sure there are lots of steam achievements with only one person or no people having gotten them. They belong to games like this one; games that no one plays.

I am right there with you.

The point in my life where I feel so old I have absolutely no idea who this is someone change my bedpan please.

Well, we already know he’s drinking piss.

Did I just get lucky and not go to a school with psychopaths? What the hell is this shit?

"You want Mario gone? Get in line."