When I was 20, I was working at a bookstore and living with my boyfriend, who also worked at the same bookstore. It was a small bookstore, with only 7 employees and when the holiday party rolled around we all went to a bar in Montouk and proceeded to get ripped. I had lost track of my boyfriend and started to make out…

Unfriend that fucker.

By “Holiday” do you mean the Good Friday when I hooked up with super hot Alex? Or the Easter Sunday when I met him at the family brunch and learned he was my dad’s half-sister’s son?

My coworker that I was hooking up with brought a date to the office Christmas party. Beginning of the night: um, ok dick. End of the night: sobbing tears. It got so bad that one of my other coworkers removed me from the party and then proceeded to make out with me in the alley outside. We ended up dating for 5 years.

Mine was a quasi-hookup, but bear with me. These dudes who lived together in a house while attending college were close-knit so they had a “post-Christmas” in February, in one of the dudes’ ranch in the countryside. I was invited by my BFF, one of the dudes’ girlfriends, and I was newly single, so I went. There was…

My mom totally handed me off to a stranger on a plane once. I’d been screaming my head off, she was at her wits’ end, and a kindly old lady asked if she could try to calm me down. She still gets teary talking about how relieved she was.

I know we are all probably still traumatized by the Lindsey Lohan biopic, but I would watch the ever-loving hell out of Dallas Buyers Club 2: White Diamonds.

I feel terrible for Sinead. I grew up in Ireland and watched her go from a really strong, talented young woman who always had to guts to talk to power and took responsibility for way more than it was really her job to carry, to someone who just seemed to feel constantly harassed and lost in life, and with good reason.…

Mary-Kate Olsen looks like a tiny French child next to her new husband and his daughter.

Hello no haters please and thank you

As someone who was abused by a prominent member of the BDSM community and deleted my social media accounts because I couldn’t handle seeing him praised as a “feminist”, I’m awed by Stoya’s bravery. I hope she gets all the support she deserves.

I’m reporting in because of the above phrase ‘Refuse you a Cat’, not because this is the worst Thanksgiving Story, but because I’m living this story RIGHT NOW. I am AT THE SCENE. I can only report, it takes much longer for me to process. So here’s the deal:

Then my work here is DONE.

Um, actually, it is far far far from ideal to treat puppies and/or other living creatures as disposable consumer objects...

*TeamKid

Hey hey hey now. Hey now. Be nice.

Don’t cry because it’s over, cry because I’m going to grey the shit out of everyone before I go.

Oh god. Way too much Eastern European man in love with himself and way too little French Bulldog singing.

I am going to miss you.