History lesson: Remember how during WW2 the United States turned away thousands of Jewish refugees? Yea, let’s not do that again.

Hmm. I think Scott Baio might be lying about his assault. How do we know if he just wants attention? What was he wearing at the time? Perhaps he’s too ugly to be assaulted? This seems suspect to me.

revoke their tax exempt status, for starters

We all know what Scientology does to SP’s...she’s being drugged/abused and the cops in the area have probably been bought off.

none of us has the fucking rank to ask about Shelly.

IDK, most of it is so over the top ridiculous that I find it laughable. Not discounting the misfortunes of those sucked into it, but the whole “holding the cans” and “billion year contract” and Xenu the whatever it is are patently absurd.

I’m surprised the jury didn’t need seven slow-motion videos from all around the church, three-hundred eye witnesses, and confirmation from Jesus Christ himself to get a conviction.

Whenever I read the name Shelley Miscavige, I imagine her looking like Shelley Duvall.

Met Flav at the airport in the Vegas on my way home a couple years ago. Told him how much me and all of my white-ass friends growing up in Indiana loved Public Enemy when we were growing up. He lit up like Christmas, and proceeded to declare “It ain’t about the color of yo’ skin, it ain’t about where you from, it’s…

They can fuck right off with that noise.

I had no personal interaction with him, but 4 years ago my company’s holiday party open bar at ritzy-ass Paris Club in Chicago was forced to end 30 minutes early (the last 30 minutes of an open bar are CRUCIAL) with no warning because Steve Harvey had the space reserved after us, and he showed up early and demanded…

I was working a bookstore event for Joe Namath and his “autobiography”. Long story short, it was my job to stop assholes from getting outside merchandise signed but plenty of middle aged jerks connived to sneak stuff by me, which Joe signed begrudgingly because he didn’t want to look like that shithead that he is.

Back when I did entertainment booking at a concert venue in Kalamazoo, we hosted Pauly Shore. He met a 20-ish year old girl at the hotel gym right before he headed over for the show, and brought her along.

Once I was walking down the street in Chicago and a man suddenly put their hands over my eyes and said “Guess who?” I guessed the only man I knew in Chicago, but it wasn’t him. I turned around and it was Bill Murray! I said “Bill Murray!” He then laughed at me, picked me with a big bear hug, and deposited me in a…

Think I’ve told this one before, but back when the Vancouver Grizzlies existed Michael Jordan walked into a bike shop that a family friend owned while Chicago was in town. He picked out some expensive mountain bike and his handler came to the family friend and said “Michael Jordan wants this bike”, after telling him…

I worked at NikeTown on Newbury Street in Boston in 2007. I was a cashier.

I was a contractor in Baghdad in 2006-2007 when the most patriotic and ‘Merican of all entertainers, one Mr. Toby Fucking Keith, graced us with his presence. Being a jaded asshole, I was all prepared to roll my eyes as he visited and sucked up to the troops in front of the cameras for publicity’s sake. That shit did…

John Cusak coming into the nearly empty bar I hung out at in Chicago and deciding not only to sit right near me (I hate that when the bar is almost empty) but turn and put his feet on the stool so that they’re millimeters from touching me. I asked if he could move then and he looked at me and said nothing. I suggested…

I was alone in an elevator with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and she farted. I was going to ignore it like a gentleman when she said “woah did somebody step on a duck.” We both laughed and she turned to me and said “no one will ever believe you if you tell this again.” She is one wise lady.