*raises hand* I definitely have that much willpower. I can’t even bear to look at their faces, much less their penises. Just typing that sentence made me shudder.

i can’t even be mad. i clicked into this article. i read it. i did this to me.

User name checks out, but it’s missing the “_Douche” from the end.

Now, a gallon of gasoline cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you’d say.

I remember when these tubes were laid out at gas stations; a little bell would ring, alerting the attendant who filled your tank, checked the air in your tires, checked your oil and washed your windshield.

MO-PEDS, MO-PROBLEMS am I right??

oh, snap! that’s my boo!

I assume you mean don’t answer the citizenship question not don’t answer at all. I plan to ignore the citizenship question but participate in the rest. We’re stuck with this process so it’s important to be counted for repesentation but you’re right about the statistics of not answering one quesiton.

Now to be fair, I think a bonobo is more likely to fuck or jack off than throw its shit.

“the opioid memorial”

Last I heard, they put a bonobo ape in charge of the 2020 Census and he was busy flinging poo and trying to figure out how to get an orange out of a jar. Has that situation changed? Because otherwise it looks like the census results will be wildly inaccurate and virtually useless for any future government planning.…

Thoughts & prayers, dear. They’re rolling out Just Say No 2.0.

“I am very pleased to welcome the opioid memorial to the President’s Park in April. I encourage all to visit and remember those who we have lost to this deadly epidemic. We will keep fighting until we defeat the opioid crisis!” 

also:

Former Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens calls for a repeal of the Second Amendment.

I think I’d start with the thoughts and prayers first. Several minutes of thoughts and prayers. Maybe an hour or so, even.

If Rick Santorum was ever shot, I truly hope someone performs CPR on him.

They look like Draco Malfoy’s goons.

whatever it is, it’s genetic...

In a now deleted tweet, Trump tweeted about the Marine “Core” and not the Marine Corps. It was deleted and replaced with the corrected spelling, but President Bone Spurs got DRAGGED as a result: