I would be happy to offer him a vege-knuckle sandwich.

It’s really too bad that Jackson isn’t going to be around to do Trump’s next physical.

This faux outrage on both sides of the political coin about Michelle Wolf is cracking me the fuck up. That entire administration deserves much much worse than some jokes. They could all be on fire and not a goddamn citizen should piss on them for even the slightest bit of relief.

Trump is right. We should shut down the country. Put up a fucking sign, “closed due to poor management”

Conservatives in October 2016: It’s just locker room talk!
Conservatives in April 2018: This lady comedian is so vulgar!

Well, I spent more time with The Bartender, he made dinner (“All small plates because that’s how you like to eat! No meat or gluten or soy or sugar or carb heavy!”) and it was really fun! And we’re going to hang out tomorrow, so it’s all good at the moment! Thanks so much for asking!

My husband (God love him) took a group of young teens — including our own son and daughter — to a Modest Mouse concert in Tallahassee a number of years ago. They of course tried to ditch him as soon as possible!

Hey there! She’s doing good. Still nursing like a champ, and starting to sleep in three hour blocks at night too which is awesome. I only have a couple weeks of leave left so I’m trying to take full advantage of the cuddles lol.

I paid off three credit cards AND the last $395 remaining from when I had a bone-marrow biopsy last summer. It’s nice to finally own the hole in my hip bone!

It broadens the schism of the country; making him look more suspicious to curious people, and reaffirming his supposed innocence to his base.

Sinead looks surprisingly chill with the Pope.

Be my guest. Just don’t sully the “good” name of House Clegane.

If there ever was a John Le Carre/Elmore Leonard hybrid novel about Doofus Jr it should be called: “The Dipshit of New York”

I’ve watched enough Antique Roadshows to know that it isn’t the painting that’s expensive, it’s usually the frame.

I think you mean Mountbatten down the hatches...

I have a feeling your Prince Louis could be a bit of a handful at times?

I’m 35 and I wouldn’t have expected this.

Well there goes my one allotted derp moment of the day. Thank god the clock resets in three hours.

Angela Bassett is beautiful!!! That’s it.

The fetus was the anti-christ. Trump saved us all!