My mom would say, “Let’s Go!” just once if we were going somewhere fun then just leave us if we didn’t listen. She would go a few blocks to Dairy Queen to get a blizzard then come back and tell us the trip’s been canceled.

With mine the answer is always ‘yes’, followed up by “so what did I say”

15. <Flip him off while his stupid toddler back is turned>

so wait, the foreign kid was putting brains in jars in your kitchen?

I think I’m up to thirteen thousand for “cut out the toilet-talk” this year alone. Christ almighty, do these little shits ever give up the poop jokes?

mind-bottling

How did you miss “Let’s go.” I have to say this close to a dozen times in the 10 feet from my front door to my car. If I don’t say this 100 times per day, I can barely get them to take 15 steps before getting all distracted

“OK, Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s. Go! Let’s Go!! (poorly considered threat) LET’S. GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (muffled cursing you really hope they can’t decipher)”

Are you listening to me?

“Put your shoes on.”

Good to know that the Spanish for “hat trick” is “el hat trick”.

Cleveland didn’t invent any sports though and then fail at them constantly for 60 years

That’s how you hold a baby, right? Vertically from around the shoulder while his legs dangle and he drinks from a bottle. I’m no parent, but I’m sure that’s how it’s done.

He doesn’t figure Danica is a person, obviously.

“Largely” conducted by people? Is there a NASCAR-driving giraffe I don’t know about?

HOT TAKE AHEAD:

To be fair, Sports Illustrated is not worth a read by people of any gender.

Welcome to Kinja, Mr. Blatter.

"God, you're beautiful."
- Wisconsin Basketball

They are stenographers. I am a stenographer, but I don't do closed captioning, I do court reporting in the courts. The reason you see an error like this is because they are stroking multiple keys at once at anywhere between 225-350 words per minute, and sports captioning is incredibly difficult because of the…