That’s cute and wholesome. Which is what family pranks should be? Never understood the joy of doing something genuinely cruel or painful to someone you love. Spritz of water from that rubber band trick? Fine. Making someone think their beloved dog is being taken away? Unforgivable. 

God I fucking hate everything.

One year when I was a young kid my dad, being an early riser, came pounding on our bedroom door saying we were going to be late for the bus. We all freaked out and ran downstairs. It was Saturday, April 1, and he had made pancakes. How is this hard, internet dipshits?

These are exactly the kind of “parents” who wonder why their kids move away the minute they turn 18 and never keep in touch afterwards.

She cried for like, two minutes, and she’s the happiest kid ever now.

6. Rant about how your First Amendment rights are being trampled upon when your sponsors start leaving.

I’ve been thinking on it as more and more of this shit comes out and one overwhelming fact becomes apparent: These cosplay exercises always put the white kids in power, basically reinforcing the extant narrative and showing them “slavery is a fun game.”

It’s got to be deliberate. Trump has laid out the playbook for wypipo:

“I never tripped on those stairs. The stairs were never there. I never even left the White House that day!” “Sir, that day was today, and you are standing on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial right now. In fact, you just tripped on the steps thirty seconds ago. You’re still on the ground, trying to get up, because you…

The portrayal of the history lesson that has been reported is inaccurate, out of context, contains false facts and ignores the overwhelming support of Ms. Antinozzi from dozens of parents at the school.

This shit has to be on purpose right? There have been like a half dozen stories of teachers doing this dumb shit in the last year and they still keep doing it. At least in my industry when someones does something stupid and gets public heat for it we all know not to repeat that mistake yet none of these teachers read…

Even so, it’s baffling that the evangelicals turn a blind eye to the fact that the first lady posed nude, and that Trump paid two porn stars to fuck him, all while confessing to sexual assault on national TV.

Or how she was an illegal immigrant, then used “chain migration” to get her parents citizenship.

The Trump Cultists are all about morality and illegal immigration but never talk about the first lady getting photographed with her titty being sucked on by another foreign hooker back in the day.

The Daily Mail ran a big story today on Malia’s alleged “secret” Facebook account full of “anti-Trump messages,”

Or the phone that keeps ringing in my pocket, but is clearly sitting on my desk.

About once a week in some embarrassingly-public scenario I will flip out trying to swat the spider on the back of my neck only to immediately realize it was the tag on my shirt or jacket or whatever. I'm not proud. 

I’m just shocked she said something that was true.

“The results speak for themselves” Sarah is right but not for the reasons she thinks 

Look, even if this shit had been nothing but actual pranks, that’s still an evil thing to do to your child. Your kid should never, ever feel tricked by you. On purpose. For your amusement.