The police have released an image of the driver that night:

It hit the target, so it wasn’t Osweiler

TOO LATE, MOTHERFUCKER!

Perhaps all the above is a concerted effort to prevent droids from having instantaneous access to all the data in the universe. By not creating the infrastructure for easy data transmissions and by keeping mass storage facilities analog droids remain subservient.

You got your Jalopnik in my Deadspin.

Excellent article. I tried it just this afternoon and there wasn’t the usual mess crumbs under my desk and in my lap. Thanks for the sound advice. Saved me all the embarrassment that comes with crumbs. The staring. The laughter behind my back.

Actually first they came for the mimes but everyone was pretty okay with that.

Oh YEAH? I heard that Hillary FORCED Chelsea to suck on her breasts for YEARS.

How badly was Tony Romo injured in this skirmish?

Can confirm.

Was the windshield tinted black?

I managed to compose myself, but then I heard:

Nike is currently developing a Tebow shoe that helps its wearers leave footprints in the sand.

My first choice is Sanders, but my second choice isn’t Clinton, who shares a great many of Sanders’s policy positions, but Johnson, who shares none of Sanders’s policy positions. Because we can’t betray the revolution (which apparently has no substantive policy goals). Also, I like that Sanders and Johnson are both…

a congealing buffalo wing cemented to outgrown armpit hair

A spokesman for ESPN says they’ve been flooded with calls from white people overjoyed to see a black man rooting for them.

Jowelopnick?

I’ll see myself out

Blair Walsh Lived A Kicker’s Nightmare

This article could not be a bigger, more petulant, wet blanket. I voted against him twice (yes, it was a vote against him), and obviously don’t view his presidency favorably. But he was awesome in the few months following 9/11, and this moment was a highlight (when I/we still needed one) that still gives me chills.…