+1 coastal raid

Neither can kick a football when it matters. 

You're not wrong.

Vikings fans with a sense of history know why this analogy is inapt.

England is the Minnesota Vikings of Soccer.

Cousins, still transitioning to the Vikings, hasn’t yet been taught about their history with boats.

First thought is that those are venison steaks. 

Oh my god...I just vomited in my own hands. I’m going to lay down and imagine what death feels like for the next hour.

Right? It’s like, you already have the White House, both houses of Congress, and a guaranteed 5-4 win in the Supreme Court. Now it’s 6-3? Come on.

He’s a kid. Let him grow up for chrissakes. I always wish organizations could provide guys like this with personal assistants. Not fixers. But this guy keeps going home to LA. The idea of living in a northern city is probably a tough one for him to get used to. Get him a guy to acclimate him to Boston. Drive for him.…

The helpful and informed man at the bar the other day advised me that, in fact, all soccer players are gay.

Coming out as gay is cool and all, but coming out as a Minnesota United player? That takes real courage.

None of them do.

She and her brothers, Harry and Larry, have worked very hard to move past their parents’, Jerry and Maria, naming schemes.

Pence Tested, Mother Approved!

*blows away the dust*

Truly a Federalist Papers for our time.

NO COLLUSION!

Somewhere Alex Jones is nodding vigorously as he removes his shirt. However, that’s not related to this story.

“He .... has been wearing a soft cast.”