Man, people REALLY dislike Jordan Peterson. 

I wholeheartedly agree. I only understood it as a weird sci-fi action film as a youth, but age and wisdom have graced me with a deeper understanding of the subtle nuance and artful character work of this masterpiece. Also, orange blood is still hilarious, for some reason. 

The only thing they have in common is the title and bugs. And even the bugs are almost completely different! I feel like that one can’t really be included since they’re so different.

The Best Man is generally designated to give a toast/speech. The Groom’s responsibility is to thank everyone for coming on behalf of the couple. No need to get fancy, just be sincere. And Canada is not “America Junior.”

Win playoff quarter final. Bring hope to a generation of perpetually disappointed fans. Start talk of “bringing it home”. Lose in semi-final and end a promising run in ignominy.

England are the 2017 Vikings.

Halfway there!

Are England.

I’m going to laugh when they end up in 4th place. 

So... they’re the soccer equivalent of the Minnesota Vikings?

I’m inclined to agree. 

This is an incredibly mild - but correct - take. Thus it will never get heard in the sports media landscape.

Damnit, beat me to it.

Sometimes the obvious play isn’t obvious. Until it is.

Mark it dude, this one is in the bag. They’ve got a 3-1 lead. No one comes back from down 3-1.

The only thing video review should be allowed for is plane-crossing verification. Did the ball/puck cross the plane of the goal line? Did the receiver’s foot go out of bounds? Because its simple! Either it did, or it didn’t. Unlike with making judgement calls on whether LeBron is planted or a catch is a catch. Ugh.…

Announcer-less games would be amazing. Especially hockey. Just savor that ambient hockey noise without distraction. Plus, as mentioned, everything that is happening is already apparent! The only benefit to announcers is if you are not actively watching, you can listen for the change in their voice and know when…

Weight distribution on an egg carton is a legitimate concern! I always make sure to put the weighted end facing the door, so when I grab it I’m not caught off guard by an unbalanced carton. Alternatively, massing the eggs in the middle is also a legitimate strategy. I don’t care if it is 18 ounces, if the balance of…

I’m in favor of sports reporters admitting their own failed prognostications, particularly in a situation where the team in question just clinched a spot in the final.

This take is just the right amount of ingenious, absurd and trollish.