TOKYO – On the heels of SEGA’s announcement to partner with restaurant chain Hooters on promoting Sonic Forces, a Nintendo executive revealed in a press conference today that he hopes his company will also team up with Hooters on its latest offering, Super Mario Odyssey.

TUSTIN – Stating a gradual loss of interest compounded by unfamiliarity with Generation II, local man Benito Morales was informed today by friend Maritza Venegas that she would no longer be playing Pokémon Go.

HOLLYWOOD – With pre-production underway on the live action film adaptation of Naruto, sources report that Lionsgate executives gathered today to discuss how to address concerns about the diversity of the principal cast members.

Following recent public attention to a pattern of anti-semitic sentiments in videos by YouTube personality Felix Kjellberg, known popularly as PewDiePie, supporters of the embattled star have rallied to defend their egos against the threat posed by the probability that someone they openly like may be a racist.

DALLAS – Following recent scrutiny and controversy over the company’s “Circle of Life” program, GameStop Corporation Chief Executive Officer J. Paul Raines has reportedly confided to his executive management team that he has “lost hours of sleep” since the public airing of grievances by anonymous employees about the…

BELLINGHAM – Calling the series of short stories written by his eleven-year-old daughter featuring Overwatch characters “extremely alarming” and paralyzed with uncertainty about what to do in response, local father Tom Greenfield clutched the offending pages tightly in his hands and shook them frantically at his wife.

FIREBAUGH – As vehicles continued to pull into the usually empty parking lot and mostly young people emerged, only to linger around looking at their cell phones, local business owner William Fitch expressed concern about the mid-afternoon congregation outside his shop.

BOWSER’S CASTLE – With the annual celebration of romantic relationships only days away, King Bowser Koopa declared today that he has no intention of spending yet another Valentine’s Day all by himself in his immense, cold, empty castle.

ASHLAND – After being reported missing by her employer, police say that local woman Marie Tran was found today, at home, caring for hundreds of Neko Atsume cats across numerous devices.

JACKSON – Following a series of confidential conferences held over a thirty-six hour period, a tentative settlement agreement was reached this evening between local father Andre Crowder and thirteen-year-old daughter Avery which stipulates the terms of repayment on a $300 bill for in-game charges incurred in animated…

DR. LIGHT’S LABORATORY - As he locked the new cannon onto the boy’s arm, snapping it into place with a round, satisfying click, Dr. Light stepped back from the laboratory table and surveyed his handiwork.

HYRULE CASTLE – As the King of Red Lions descended, Link closed his eyes and held his breath. The crimson, maned boat sank slow and straight in the water, like a stone, suspended inside the wide column of light. The water felt unusually, pleasantly warm. He opened his eyes expecting a familiar sting, but he saw…

Life is becoming increasingly unpredictable in Hyrule as the sun, a normally reliable fixture in sky, continues to rise and fall seemingly at random, causing general unease and upsetting many people’s basic notions of time and reality.