jesus christ, you sheeple are missing the bigger message in the cat people! how could you have missed it?! that message: naked annette o'toole.

aka my malformed genitals. i mostly never forget those.

Now, son, what a boy does with his decaying arthropod meat…in a parking lot…outside of a bar…

tremendous! you've broken through my chitinous emotional shell, and drizzled the butter of humor on the tender meat that is my life.

no, we're cool. he, or other "nice guys", don't deserve jack. especially when they've snapped the neck of a respected British phlebotomist/monster killer played by a respected British character actor. that's NOT OK. same with dying children dragged along on inexplicable boat rides to the arctic. seriously, why the…

it's actually "bigfoote" said all dutch. yeah, the dutch beat everyone to bigfoot naming.

my brain would break in twain if they changed gears and went full Young Frankenstein.

dude's a creep. body pumping with the hormone creepatin. and a junkie. so, yeah, pretty much the worst.

ok, it's cool, we're on the same team. full disclosure: i kind of just used John Clare because it fit my semi-jokey analysis of the men in PD as bad boyfriend archetypes. it was all be-bopped and scatted on the spot. i'll be sure to run everything past my hardcore, boner-killing, sexist-pig-humilating feminist fiancee…

"fast-food mascots fighting in World War II" i would totally watch that. The creepy BK King, and BK Hipster King have to be Nazis though.

I actually thought that Drac was just "negging" her, like one of those pathetic "pickup artists". "oh you're here…even though you're insanely hot, i (totally naturally) forgot your name."

to be fair, taking your mom to a restaurant, staffed at least partially, by failures of parenting might make her feel better.

ooh, also i need to grow a beard that, combined with a plaid flannel shirt, will somehow convince me and others around me, that i am manly, original, and not at all a nerd riding a ridiculous trend, that i will, again, not regret. you're the best! thanks!

dear cocaine,

ladies and gentlemen, please welcome josh fenderman, and honesty in motion!