Ahhhh, yes, the “my deadly allergy is cured with FREE” person. I have met her many times.

“Well, you can’t expect me to read all that. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?”

No kidding. I think they just made her leave the building on the grounds that when the “death” part of the “deathly allergy” kicked in, they didn’t want her on company property.

And my first thought as a manager would be, “You have life threatening soy allergies?”

“Yes!”

Don’t make me eat soy. You wouldn’t like me when I eat soy.

Due to the nature of our customers, both allergy and snowflake,

I wish meatheads like her would, just once, actually have a severe allergic reaction to something they ate. Not die, but just bad enough so they once and for all know what people who actually live with severe allergies go through, and they don't forget it as long as they live.

“If I eat soy, I break out in hives and bitch everywhere. No, not itch.”

Maybe that was how her allergy manifests. If I consume soy, I break out in an IRRATIONAL RAGE.

My brain read their dialogue in Billy Zane and Kate Winslet's voices. Titanic for the modern age.

This is the point at which you buy a shock collar and prepare for a long weekend.

Because the guy is a complete douche. My husband wouldn't fucking do that because some nights I want whiskey, some gin and some wine. Anyone who orders for you is an asshat and deserves dirty looks.

To garnish the martini. What do you think we are, Republicans?

HAHAHA! I’ve eaten in a Chipoodlelay in Ohio while visiting family. I also was fed avocadoes in second grade (in the 1970s) by my second grade teacher. And I kept olives in my locker in high school.

A yuppie and his date came into the bar. It was obviously early in the relationship and he was obviously showing her how urbane he was.

If I saw that happen, I would freak the fuck out. I’d be demanding where she kept her EpiPen, make sure she was breathing, and making as much of a fuss about the incident as humanly possible short of calling 911. I don’t know if people can be embarassed into being less stupid, but I’d sure as hell try.

I like the cut of your jib, sir.

The daughter first took a bite of her boyfriend’s food...that had nuts in it.

There’s a possibility I might have a beige allergy. Could be why I refuse to drive a Camry. :)