Okay, kid, fair enough. But I'll give you one to start with: Don't have kids.

After college, he went on to work for the GOP on Capitol Hill.

After college, he went on to work for the GOP on Capitol Hill.

His excuse was that he couldn't enjoy his food if he knew he had to do the dishes.

Back in the day (this is before my time and I'm old, so we're talking last century here) when a girl washed her hair, afterward she had to "set" it on rollers and then wait hours for it to dry because the home blowdryer hadn't been marketed yet. So, "I have to wash my hair" was a legitimate excuse.

Good point, though I've had both of those experiences even when I was an undergrad. But that's probably because I'm a real outlier as a non-trad who's often older than my professors.

+1 for "engage your professors." Even if it turns out you never need to call on the good will this engenders, it never hurts to have a supply banked, just in case. (This works for undergrad too, kids.)

Yeah, there are probably Aggies in Houston that feel sorry for Cruz because he "only" graduated from Princeton.

"Sympathy face, Ted. Sympathy face. Remember how the humans do it."

Because we are all stakeholders in the karma economy, asshole.

Get your ass out the door and pick the pizza up yourself every other time. Then you can save the delivery fee and afford to tip the delivery person decently the next time because you're being a cheap mofo with your $1.25 tip. Also, while I would never tamper with someone's food, not everyone shares my scruples and if…

Actually, there is a sign that says, "Tips encouraged and gratefully appreciated." But it's only visible to those of us who aren't selfish, entitled sacks of shit so I'm not at all surprised it was invisible to you.

Given that Miss Snotleigh goes out for coffee and is outraged that the app on her tablet asks her to tip, I'm thinking she's not surviving on that minimum wage job. Most of the folks I know who are in that position are thrilled to afford takeout pizza once every few months for a special occasion.

My brain does not math, so the easiest way for me is to take 10% (because even I can manage to shift the decimal place over one) and then double that, which gives me my starting point for the tip.

I don't crash into people so much as I refuse to yield. Here's the thing: I'm a middle-aged fat woman. I take up space in the world, y'know? And yet, in public spaces people frequently either walk right into me or completely ignore my physical presence. I occasionally turn to my husband and say, loudly, "WTF? Why…

I have the Smartbean and love it (my car lacks an AUX port, so I use it with a cassette adapter.) But it doesn't work when it's plugged in.

I have the Smartbean and love it (my car lacks an AUX port, so I use it with a cassette adapter.) But it doesn't…

replace the phrase "I tried to..." with "I failed to..."

I used to think FERPA was a persnickety pain in the ass. For example, when I was in undergrad and my son was taking a class with me, our professor explained she couldn't discuss his grades with me standing there (he was over 18.) His saying at that time, "No, it's cool, you can talk in front of my mom," was not…

Filing this for future reference (I'm in training to be a therapist but we haven't covered the legal bits much yet.) Thanks!

Your eyes are better than mine, I can't tell what color it is. But I can see it has the big numbers, so, yes, it's the inspection sticker.