Im slightly jealous about flawless her armpits are as a fellow POC.

Yeah, the instantaneous witty rejoinder is a rare and beautiful thing! I still think with pleasure of one of the few times I managed one:

Just moved out of a complete stranger’s spare room (she wasn’t sketchy, just annoying, never cleared her stuff off the shelves or under the bed, and also seemed annoyed when I used her kitchen stuff even though she told me before I moved in that I could use hers as there wasn’t room for more than a few things of mine) …

Back in the early 2000s I waited in line for 3 hours for a photo with Ozzy Osbourne. It was before the TV show got big. It was all metalheads waiting in line. I got my picture taken with Ozzy. And I was waiting for the Polaroid to be handed to me. I pulled a disposable camera from my pocket and took a few quick…

I suppose realizing you made a huge mistake in your choice of vocation would do it, but you’d think training college and assistant teaching would have made it clear that this job is not for you.

Ah, owls!

WOW. 

Awww, I’m glad my long ago camping adventures won!

I spoke German at home, and also in public. My mom is STILL committed to only speaking German with myself and my brother. And I am 30!

I wish I had been there to see this but

My engineer who met him described him as “the guy who wears jeans with a suit jacket and square toe black dress shoes.” 

13 or 14 year old me calmly looked the kid who’d just called me fat up and down and replied “have you look in a mirror lately?” turned on my heels and sashayed back to class.

I once overheard an exchange between a very pregnant health food store coworker of mine and a rude shopper: shopper nosily asks coworker, who was in her early 20s, how old she was, followed by “well I guess you’re old enough to be hapai” [Hawaiian pidgin for pregnant]. Co-worker, without missing a beat, replies “I’ve…

But how could she tell on you without also telling on herself? It seems like whatever trouble you could be in for comparing her house to hell, it would be worse for her since she was the one who first introduced the word hell into your exchange.

Not mine, but Samantha Irby’s (a published author, but this is from her wonderful blog, so perhaps someone hasn’t seen it).

In the early 1990s, I worked with an insufferable woman none of us could stand. At one point during the time I endured her, she walked by while I was talking to another employee.

On a high school senior year trip to Europe, there were about 30 students with 3 teachers and one guide for the week. We were all assigned numbers so we could do a count off every time we got on the bus or were regrouping. One morning, after about 8 or 9 students had snuck out to go drinking at bars the night before, w…

This guy in my 10th grade Spanish class loved to spend his time sitting behind different girls in the class and so he could mock them relentlessly. He had a little lackey who cackled at everything he said. The worst part was that he was excellent at pinpointing other people’s insecurities, so it was hard to ignore…

Housemate, explaining why he’d neglected to mention the fact that he’d cancelled our lease until 2 weeks before the end date:

A random sampling: