Watch as Al Qaeda rescues the girls before the Nigerian government can get itself together.

I love how Reese's accent comes out to play when she's drunk.

The Illuminati thing seems like a deliberate aesthetic choice at this point.

Katy, Ima let you finish, but Beyonce had the best tour outfits of all time.

You know, it was around Goblet of Fire when Harry started dealing with the wizard newspapers being nasty and discrediting him, twisting quotes for their own purpose so they could use his story to sell more copies no matter whether it was the truth or not ... I'm sure that has NOTHING to do with how the media started…

What's that feeling I'm having? Oh, yes, jealousy.

The question is: Where do you think Radar got the 500k number? Who do you think was leaking "early estimates"? Who is this mysterious "magazine insider"? Hmm?

Oh please, if you seriously have issues with jokes about divorce, I can't imagine you could tolerate anything.

and a woman whose "husband had not spoken to her for 15 years, communicating with her only by Post-it notes."

Racism is bad. And wrong.

I just can't get with this. If we're going to criticize people for seeing the light, why try to get them to see it in the first place?

Eh. She may be late to the party, but better late than never.

I think it's difficult for most people to admit their ignorance the way that Kim Kardashian has with regard to racism. I don't understand the instinct to mock someone for this. Thinking that these issues are everyone else's problem is not actually that uncommon, especially for this generation. So good for her for…

Yup, this sums up my selfie-taking experiences perfectly.

I'm lucky if I can get a selfie worth posting on my Twitter in 355 attempts.

He didn't say anything, he's been posting "Deleted Tweet" retractions all day. He's trolling us.

But, having enjoyed the Harry Potterseries as a child, I thought I'd help J.K. Rowling out by tweeting her some advice.

I thought I'd help J.K. Rowling out by tweeting her some advice.

:(

I know what you mean, but let's face it, it's not like elected officials are exactly covering themselves in glory over this. I hope she doesn't feel forced into this role, but god, is she ever using her life for good.