Nooooo!

Every time I drive past this, I’m horrified anew. Also every time I remember “Ecce homo” I laugh nearly to tears.

Holy shit this is amazing!

Hakuna your tatas! That has nothing to do with labia, but I like to say it.

Jesus, that's obnoxious. Why wouldn't you be honest about you wanted to THE PERSON YOURE MARRYING? All healthy marriages start with petty mid games, I guess.

What was he looking for? Did the sales guy think it was too cheap? Too big? Too expensive? I just like talking about jewelry.

I’m getting married this summer and this is all my nightmare. No bridesmaids, no venue, please just let us be married when it’s over. It’s all way to stressful, even if you’re not doing the whole huge wedding thing, and that's insane.

Oh my goodness I want to snuggle them all! I bet their hairy heads smelled SO GOOD.

I was born with a lot of hair which all fell out. My parents say it looked like someone had taken a potato peeler to my head. It just came out in chunks until it was all gone, and then I got just the normal, fuzzy baby hair.

These are the exact dance moves I do in the car. Lots of rhythmic head shaking.

I sort of wish this was going to be a Lifetime thing. I want maximum cheese!

Czech Hippo Flaunts Newborn Body

No, girl, nooooo.... I’d have noped the fuck out right around the “kicking me out of my own bed” part.

Drink til it's pink!

I ❤️ my Mirena!

Is it bad that I just assumed he'd gotten crazy Botox and a contour kit?

HEY-O!

Oh, how I would love to avoid Oklahoma, but my in laws (who are generally lovely people) live there. And I'm in Tennessee, so that's not much better.

“The jingle! The numbers keep coming and coming!”

I'm 99% sure they got pulled out of the crowd to go backstage and now they're married with endless babies.