Now, Jimmy Fallon is gonna come out in a leather jacket, smoking a cigarette, and just drop F-bombs in between his normal shitty material.

No mention of Marina's brief return? Her terror was pretty disturbing.

I'm sure whatever the backstory is will be explained in a long, drawn-out montage with a sad ballad as the soundtrack.

One would need a very large fire.

Yes! And then, his eyeballs blow out from bloody sneezing. Just POP like blood gushers.

You know what would be a great gag? If Jimmy Fallon violently puked blood on stage at the Golden Globes until he died. You know, from all the alcohol.

Damn it, I wanted to cry at work because of the spiritually crippling nature of the daily grind… not because my soul is warming up.

"Emotional" = lots of montages.

Oh my god. Jon Benet Ramsey died in the early 90s. Can we get the fuck over her, please?

Did Death make a deal with the Republican Party? It almost took Meat Loaf, but then said, "nah."
I feel like this is a Frighteners situation.

Interesting. I'm sure Lena's mom feels the same way.

It's too early to see the Brady Bunch grid without crying.

Here's my favorite version of the Hot Toddy. It's easy to make! All you need is:

No fair! I come here to see people make snide comments, not to feel FEELINGS.

I miss the old days when it was simply an opportunity for a meeting of the minds & mind-crotches.

Another for the 69 club…

Finally, a list that doesn't put Lemonade at the top.

So, this is a press release, right? It's way too positive for an article about RL Stein's "talent."

Eh, I love TDC, but this book sounds like crap. The Henson people should try to get their shit together and produce some actual films, otherwise, they've squandered the guy's entire legacy.

Wrong.