I just told my husband about her aisle walking song choice and he declared it romantic and feminist. When your husband is a bigger feminist than you are... its kinda shocking.

I used to dock my Roomba in my bedroom and my cat would occasionally press the button to start vacuuming in the middle of the night. My boyfriend was not amused. However the Roomba, the cat, and my relationship are all dead, so I can sleep in peace. Just me and my dirty carpet. We’re great, really! sniff.

Perhaps if Locomotive Jones didn’t talk about Locomotive Jones in the third person, people wouldn’t think of Locomotive Jones as a raging dickfuck.

Is it too late to put together a multi-city, star-studded Live-Aid style “FUCK TRUMP” concert on the 20th? I foresee simultaneous shows in all major cities, proceeds to Planned Parenthood, etc.

I dream of this situation. Only he steps forward, hand extended, and I recoil and yell, “DON’T GRAB MY PUSSY!”

It’s already begun: Orange Julius Ceasar is using his position to stamp out dissent.

The thing about the recount is that powerful democrats should absolutely be backing her up, and yet.

Honestly, if I were in her shoes I would agree to implant them in my uterus (only agree to the implantation part) and then I’d get an abortion. In California, there are very few restrictions. Once they’re in her, it’s her choice. Then, I’d tell him I miscarried.

He’s not been named “Best Person We Love The Most of Everyone Of The Year” - he only got the cover because he’s a black hole of need and the chaos he causes means we all can’t stop talking about him. Everyone needs to check their outrage. Frankly, he should be embarrassed to be singled out

As the single, unmarried, child-free aunt of my family all of these gifts are appreciated. I would love a spa day or tickets to a show or even a throw blanket with my initials. LOVE THEM.

But here’s something I’ve always wanted to tell my siblings: I give you and your spouses and your children (I have 8 niblings…

My dad called me last night and said something about how this “fake news” stuff is pretty much exactly like the propaganda that distributed in the 30s to put Hitler into power.

I was excited ‘cuz I thought you meant Dairy Queen.

I have never wanted to be a politician, I only wanted to be a scientist, but dammit, things like this make me wonder if I could get into politics. We have science idiots governing our country’s science programs.

Had republicans not been beholden to the fossil fuel industry to fund their re election campaigns, then suddenly global climate change would be deemed real. Everyone knows this.

I had to do the same with my mom about the Irish white slaves thing...I think she genuinely thought it was interesting and other people would too, but I was like a cursory glance at the 10,000 screaming conservative ad banners should have clued you in that perhaps this was not a great source.

She doesn’t even have the good sense to shrug and say “whatcha gonna do he’s nuts but he’s my Dad” and go about her business. She and her husband are up to their ears in this organization when many of the members would block them from joining their country club or Moose lodge. It defies logic.

Well we let it slip, and now there is no turning back.

Hey, shorten it to “Chad” and you’re just about ensuring that you have the most insufferable kid in the entire world.

Ugh, I wish that were exit polls. When I see totals like 130 million total ballots for president, I don’t know what to think. It’s good that a few million more people voted this time than last time, but still, in a nation of 330 million, we had, what, 50% turnout to vote for president? Ugh!