How would they act and feel if the victim was different?

Wait, Uber has actual capital-e employees?

I hope someone brings the Carbon Freeze bomb back at some point.

they are going to the guys who sell the fake SIM cards

There is no “emojis.” The plural IS emoji. A single one is an emoji character.

Aspect ratios matter.

Can I buy some pot from you?

To what degree to I have to participate in your self-image?

Oh shit, it’s Marceline the Vampire Queen!

A shopper walks under her umbrella outside a Sears store October 24, 2001 in Niles, IL. Sears, Roebuck and Co. said Wednesday, October 24, 2001 that it is eliminating 4,900 salaried jobs over the next 18 months and revising its merchandise offerings as part of a cost-cutting overhaul. (Photo via Getty Images.)

old-school speeding

Manual transmission? CRUISE CONTROL. Set and forget: no speeding tickets!

Yeah, I don’t quite get the disconnect between “I’m religiously going to abide by underage drinking laws” and “drunk driving, is that even illegal?”

the imminently punchable white supremacist Richard Spencer

All of this is missing the point.

She is a civilian with civilian interests.

It’s a crime that buildings like this exist without contributing to property taxes.

Heads-up: may want to check your thumbnail.

Why did the waiter bother to scribble out a card number that was already printed mostly as a series of Xs?

... the Whitney Biennial ...