My favorite Elwayism in this article:

My son used to charge things directly to his cellphone bill. He did it once and I paid for it, then called support and blocked his ability to charge to his account. The cellphone company removed that restriction without my permission and when he did it again, I pointed out that I specifically asked them to disable…

Disclaimer: My brother sent me this. I did not make it myself 

What a weird image. The letter (it looks like and “O) behind ZZ’s left temple looks like a handle and makes his head look like a coffee mug.  One that’s far too intense to actually drink out of.  

I feel real bad for them. It’s a similar feeling to that time in 2018 when Coke narrowly missed on revenue, which declined 6% to $7.06 billion, while analysts were expecting $7.07 billion. Just real intense stabs of sympathy is what I’m feeling.

In his defense, he was told that, after the season, there’s a chance he could go back to the minors.

God, I’m sorry. I just re-read the article and it turns out a lack of commitment to the game was NOT, in fact, Vazquez’s real problem. Apparently, it was pedophilia. We’ll work hard to avoid mistakes like this in the future.

don’t have sex with kids.  can not stress this enough

Additionally, Vazquez allegedly sent the victim text messages suggesting they would meet for sex after his baseball season was over.

reboots of both Saved by the Bell and Punky Brewster

You ggot ggot!

the 90-yarder is the best because Williams had the safety lined up per usual 20 yards back and Odell still ran by him like the safety was Gregg and Odell was a head coaching job

It's like he's accusing me of giving him mono.

I think I have an idea of who was behind this.

> nobody

hurt, suspended, or in Cleveland

Dummy. Everyone knows the only way to stop Romelu Lukaku is to hire Jose Mourinho to coach him.

I was not expecting chill U.S. Open ball person to be my Monday motivation to be upbeat and not to let little annoyances at my job get me down, but here we are.