Until you miss that vessel and have to deal with being rescheduled. Then you long for the Golden Age of Sail. Scurvy and all.

I think the cashier could have made the situation better by simply explaining “I’m so sorry, my kids sick/dogs got out the gate/electrician finally made it to my house/whatever etc” as they were texting, so that the in a hurry guy might have some context over why this was happening. On the rare occasions I have a…

Structural racism?

I’m completely fine giving them a pass if it’s an important text and they can’t get away from the counter for a phone call, but they should at least acknowledge that with a quick “sorry just dealing with something that came up” type of greeting. Lie to me if you have to, I will commiserate either way.

Avoid both human interaction and possibly missing your flight.

Hey, let’s talk about how G/O media are such gutless scum that they took down all of the posts across the kinjaverse about how awful the autoplaying videos are and how to contact the ownership about it.

And despite your corporate overlords telling you to stick to sports, I hope Deadspin never does because

and I can’t emphasize this enough

I come to Deadspin BECAUSE YOU DON’T JUST STICK TO SPORTS

Kalamazoo kid myself, but moved around the US before settling on the East Coast. I always looked at West Michigan as an anti-diversity. White kids grew up in white neighborhoods, with white schools and white teachers. Maybe you had a few SE Asian neighbors who were Thai or Vietnamese, but for real, it was a land of…

THIS GUY AARON RODGERS I CALL HIM JOSEPH N. WELCH CAUSE HE IS MAKING A GUY NAMED MCCARTHY LOOK LIKE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

I feel pretty confident I could have done the falling over part

If anyone wants to know what college and college students are really like:

You’d think this guy could cut a Blank check and get any coach he wants.

“The wind probably helped out a little bit on that one.”- Chris Berman, on his ability to clear out the studio after perusing the Craft service table.

All I know is my gut says maybe

FYI, Mr. Blank: A Toter 64-gallon wheeled commercial trash can easily capable of holding a coach’s body is located at aisle 56, bay 005 at the Midtown Home Depot in Atlanta.

“’We’re going to do something,’ Blank said.”

“It could have been a Molotov anything! You don’t know!”