Brilliant!

*slowly raises hand*

I carry multiple epi-pens for two reasons: one, because I have life-threatening allergies, and two, because if I’m ever in a situation like that in a Lyft, Uber or taxi, I uncap one and hide it in my hand.

At the risk of alienating everyone I knew growing up, including my parents*, I am here to say that I LOVE ‘shaky parm.” Yes, give me a wedge or a wheel (!!!) of Parmigiano Reggiano, and I’m in heaven. But pasta with olive oil and shaky parm? I’ll eat that ish every day. I even put it in oatmeal, with butter and black…

I am actually from Italy, and I have never ever said anything but “medium” if I want a damned medium coffee at Starbucks. I feel like an absolute banana if I say “venti,” and it also miffs me on some cellular level, so I don’t do it.  I don’t care how many times the barista does that thing where they correct me by…

This is precisely why I use the word “moist” whenever I can.  I know that people who squirm (heh) when they hear it are thinking about cooters. Or panties. MOIST PANTIES. THERE I SAID IT.

I do what I can. :)

The only thing incorrect about your statement is that there is no amount of times that one can watch this that could EVER be considered “embarassing.”

How could you not post the actual video for “And THAT, Marjorie, just so you will know, and your CHILDREN will someday know, is the NIGHT. THE LIGHTS. WENT OUT IN. GEORGIA!!!” ????

Jennifer Lopez can fuck all the way off with that fur. It’s disgusting and inhumane and those poor animals suffer in ways that most cannot possibly imagine.  I’m glad she’s getting shit for being a selfish, uncaring cunt.

Those first few sentences - nay, that whole first paragraph, is my DREAM. 

I just want to smack that condescending sneer off of her stupid fucking face.

I hated this book so much, I threw it across the room when I was finished with it. I could not, for the life of me, understand why all of my friends loved it.

I’ve read the book so many times that the cover fell off, so I was really worried when I kept seeing bad reviews of this film. I went with 4 other people to see it on Saturday, and I LOVED it. I well and truly LOVED. IT.*

YIKES.

31 seconds. I made it 31 seconds, including the opening, before I slammed on my mouse so hard, so that I could hit “pause,” that I almost broke the dammned thing.

Oh, please. Like Kirk Cameron has 100 grand. 

The phrase is “twisting in the wind,” not “twisting yourself into the wind.”

Honkies gonna honk.