Seriously, half the people that are like: “Hey, my money protects me from racism, or my education protects me from racism,” they all sound like this to me:

I don't know, I honestly never thought about it that way, but you make a really good point. I retract my statement about wanting Harriet Tubman on the $20 Bill.

God damn it, again, why do I keep gunning for people only for something kinda crappy they did to suddenly reappear.

I would’ve liked Wilma Mankiller.

WAIT. WHAT. NOOOOO. FUCK. Why is it I get into someone, and then they do something spectacularly shitty.

Me before and after dodgeball.

Not a fan of sports, but this article has made me a fan.

See, there are moments I love using the English substitute for my name, because people have no freaking idea how to pronounce it or spell it.

She will never top this mom:

Like Water for Chocolate.

Me too, me too.

That book has been a favorite of mine, you don't understand.

I imagine it felt like this:

Nothing will top “Quail in Rose Petal Sauce.”

I see she’s gonna sue me for the Cereal Sex Jokes.

Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up:

Also:

Sometimes subtlety doesn’t work.