lmao criticizing the physique of an mma heavyweight champion- uh huh.

He’d still fold every last one of us in half with ease, though.

How could she have done [insert sensationalistic description of a single sex act] for so little money? In this viewpoint, women in porn—and only women in porn—are permanently surrendering something of themselves. From this perspective, any dollar amount is shameful. It’s why the Twitter discourse and the mainstream…

HAM LAKE! THE SANDWICH SWIMMERS!

Any place called HAM LAKE should be the Nation’s capital at the very least. 

Sam wrecked me.

I live in Ham Lake, and this is a terrifyingly accurate take. The volume of cul-du-sac cowboys in these here parts is mystifying. Congrats on your 12 trucks and zero retirement savings you corn cobs.

I think Drew’s getting darker with the mails this year. There have been really poignant stories, not the funny debauchery we were used to.

Yeah.  That was one hell of a downer to end on.  Hope you’re feeling ok today Sam.

“-Randy and Tammy, MAGA turds from the northern suburbs who have a pickup truck value that exceeds their home value and took money out of Braedyn and Kymlynn’s college fund to renew their season tickets but “aren’t sure” if they’re going to still support the NFL if players keep kneeling”

Yeah, I’m used to reading the fan posts and trying to avoid laughing audibly in the office while doing so. I read Sam’s and it took even more self-control to not audibly sob at how utterly (and unexpectedly, after reading all the rest) depressing it was from beginning to end.

Guys? I think we need to look out for Sam. That’s just brutal.

Or maybe the wealthy professional football team he plays for could figure out a way to get its hands on one for him.

James Shields was a clubhouse leader and ate up a lot of innings, so it’s really impossible to say who won the White Sox/Padres trade.  Impossible

When “keeping it Real” goes wrong.

fan of a rapist QB. Classy

It was a 3rd and a 5th, not 2nd and 4th.

...pitch—er, field.

Exactly, two of three seemed like they were good human beings. The Swarzak’s seem like a reprehensible twosome who are more in line with most MLB couples

Gotta admit, in a story involving three baseball players and their wives, I did not think an overwhelming majority would have reasonable opinions.